Holiday letter 2008 (a year late)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

In trying to think of a catchy introduction to this annual tome, I finally thought, hey why not just get to the news, after all it is at least a month late. With that in mind, there was a ton of news this past year.

Literally and figuratively we had a HUGE addition to our family this year. Baby Jack Janes Olney (aka the tank), weighing ten pounds, was born to Kelly and Matt on June 9^th. He continues to be a big boy at 7 months and keeps growing in leaps and bounds. He is a funny kid, you can make him laugh by waving a newspaper in front of him and you can make him cry by handing him to me (aka the hammer), for two minutes. I swear I’m not torturing the kid. He likes his Grandmother Ginny, or Gigi, almost as much as she likes him.

There were two more new members to the family in June. Gus and Gine (hard G and rhymes with Tina), are golden retrievers who were given away because they each had some small behavior problems. They have turned out to be fabulous friends. They are very active dogs but I try to give them some time almost every day on our treadmill. I sit on the exercise bike next to them as they do their time. The golden rule is…a tired dog is a well behaved dog. Ginny and I spend a fair amount of time training them and miraculously, it seems to be working.

For those that are keeping track, I still work for Deloitte. In a few months it will be 6 years! I still think it is the best place I have ever worked and I hope that I get to retire from this place (not soon though mind you). I managed to do very little business travel last year but still I saw Nashville, New York City, Philadelphia, Orange County, Los Angeles, San Diego, Chicago, England and Norway and a couple places I’m sure I forgot. I’m working on my comedy writing. I know some of you will be saying, enough with the comedy, maybe you should focus on writing in a timely manner (did you notice this holiday letter is a month late?) But, I want to entertain not just inform. I have been getting my feet wet by submitting work to magazines, doing cartoon captions, and anything that will help sharpen my writing skills.

Even though Ginny retired from United in 2007 she is working as hard as ever. She is on the Board of the Pacifica Resource Center, which helps families in Pacifica that are in crisis. This year she is President of the Board so she will be spending more time than usual working on behalf of the Center. She continues to carry a rigorous exercise schedule which now includes running in trail races, cardio, weightlifting and work with her friend and trainer Jeanne B. One day she did manage to take a six hour “short cut” in the mountains while she was on a three hour training run with Gus, but no worries, they were both fine and had a good night sleep that night. Ginny is also a member of a neighborhood cooking club, she takes several classes in some kind of dance, art, yoga and I’m not sure what else. She took several trips to NYC in 2008 as Kelly went through her pregnancy, child birth, and medical problems with her gall bladder. Thanks to Skype video conferencing I didn’t feel like I was a total bachelor.

My Mom is slowly on her way into the fog of Alzheimer or dementia. Some of the family saw this coming for over a year now but it is very difficult to do anything to help. I succeeded in getting Mom to sign a power of attorney but that doesn’t carry much weight unless you are in the state (Alaska) where she is living and I live about 2000 miles away. I petitioned the state for guardianship but was unsuccessful due to mostly a strong set of laws protecting the individual and an overburdened state system that can’t do anything more than a quick surface evaluation.

Ginny’s Dad is doing well. He visited with us with his brother Roy in early December and they built a train platform for under our Christmas. It was perfect and will last for years to come. We loved having them here. Her Mom is doing well at Blue Bell Place. We visit her as often as we can and she almost always knows us.

We had the 3^rd annual Super Bowl Party where we had friends, family, and co-workers over to watch the big game. It is always fun but neither Ginny or I really get to watch the game.

I went on a great big adventure with my brother in law Bill Thomas this year. We went out and rented some dirt bikes (motorcycles), took them out on a trailer to Occotillo Wells Desert State Recreational Vehicle Area and for two fun filled days we learned (the hard way for me) how to ride off road in the desert and up the hills. Actually, I learned how to ride up the hills and tumble back down with the motorcycle bouncing off my chest armor (good thing I got that). Overall the weekend cost me a torn hamstring muscle, a very large hematoma (bruise), a couple bruised ribs, and a bruised shin bone. I’ve never had more fun in my life! Bill and I had to see Bette Midler perform in Las Vegas with Ginny and my sister Linda. That was the price we had to pay to go on the motorcycle trip. So I had to go through some pain in order to really injure myself out in the desert… actually, the show was pretty good.)

We had a gathering of family and friends over for the 3^rd annual 4^th of July celebration. Pacifica makes a huge deal about safe and sane fireworks and that there will be zero tolerance of illegal fireworks. And yet every year it is like a war zone. It seems as though some of those fireworks go off right in front of our house every year. Strange huh?

We took a trip to England and Norway in August and decided that just going ourselves (Ginny and me) would be too boring. So we invited my nephew Erik and Ginny’s nephew Emerson. I mean if you are going to travel to two foreign countries and move around to a different place every two days you should take two teenage boys just to add to the excitement. It turns out our instincts were correct and the two boys not only enjoyed themselves but I think they got some education out of it as well. We stayed almost entirely with friends (and you know they have to be good friends to put up with 4 of us) in England that we met in the 70s when Ginny and I were living there during my Air Force time. We stayed most of the time with relatives in Norway. Surely a way to find out how close you are to your relatives. They were unbelievable, (my relatives that is), they picked us up at train stations, took us to bus stations, loaned us their cars, let us sleep at their houses and made like they enjoyed our company. We started by taking a train (first we took the wrong train going in the wrong direction, ha) to see family in the south of Norway (Kristiansand) then we headed up the west coast where we visited the family homestead in Torvik. We had an absolutely hilarious dinner at a Chinese restaurant in Aalesund then we headed to the capital city Oslo where we stayed with one of my cousins and her family. Then we took a day trip southeast of Oslo to see more family and took a short (4 hour) jaunt to see my cousin’s quarry near Sweden (and brought home a couple stones from the homeland). Finally it was time to head back to London for a layover of 36 hours before heading home. Emerson left a couple days early and found his own way from Oslo, to London, and then home to Kalamazoo Michigan. Erik stayed with us and flew from London to San Francisco where my sister Linda met him and drug him the rest of the way home to Orange County CA.

Oh and as part of my ongoing “paying for the sins of my youth” program, I had to go in for knee replacement surgery in mid October 2008. I had an exceptional recovery according to the physical therapists and doctors but I was expecting to get over it pretty quickly so I’m proud but it didn’t seem all that exceptional. The one thing that I found to be most exciting was that I didn’t use anesthesia just a local nerve block so I couldn’t feel anything in my leg but I was awake and able to monitor what they were doing. It turns out they only had to do a partial knee replacement which is the equivalent of having your tires retreaded rather than replaced. It’s a complicated explanation but basically they go in and carve off some of the ends of the bones and anchor some metal surfaces on top of the bone. And for those that are interested, no it doesn’t seem to cause problems with the metal detectors at the airport.

We spent Christmas in Brooklyn with Kelly, Matt and Jack. Staying at Matt and Kelly’s co-op was fun and I got a chance to get up and walk around Brooklyn every morning checking out the greasy spoon restaurants for breakfast. I must reiterate the old saying….never eat at a place called Mom’s. Then we went to Philly to see the rest of the family. It was a wonderful holiday.

Well that is a summary of 2008. Feel free to comment, critique this.

John (aka hammer) and Ginny (aka Gigi to her grandson Jack aka Tank).

I keep me in stiches

First picture is from yesterday October 8th 2009. Last day of bandages on the wound.
The next picture is the scar itself. Almost entirely healed. So today much to the relief of everyone, I can take a full shower, ha. Ok Ok I've been taking showers, just nothing above the breast bone. Above that mark I had to just do a washcloth.

Now I can go out in the sund and get a tan on that neck...after I shave.

I'll keep you posted
-the John

The first cut is the deepest

I haven't really posted anything since the operation so I apologize. Quick update is as follows. The operation was fantastic, best 7 hours of sleep I've had in months. No pain whatsoever. I didn't need any pain medication except for the general anesthesia of course. I spent the first night in the Intensive Care of Critical Care Unit as they called it. That was to make sure no blood clots formed or that the swelling in my throat and trachea didn't suffocate me. I got up 3 times that first night and got to walk around with the assistance of a nurse because I had all these wires and hoses and tubes hooked up to me. Next day the doc saw me and said I was doing amazingly well and if it kept up I could go home Thursday morning less than 48 hours after the operation was completed. That night I had trouble with breathing and choking due to lung congestion and a swollen trachea/throat/esophagus but I was still able to get up and walk for 15 minutes at a time, three times. So I was discharged Thursday and went home. Sleeping has been very difficult due to the swollen throat etc. but last night with the help of some sleeping drugs and decongestants I got 6 hours of sleep on and off. Still having trouble speaking because my wind pipe gets blocked and I have lung congestion as well. The images attached are from the operation. On the multi image picture, the upper left image is "before". You can see that my neck had an unnatural S curve in it from when I fractured a couple vertebrae as a kid. The new neck has a nice C curve to it. You can't tell from the images but there is a plate in there as well which holds the whole mess together and it enforces the proper curvature to the spine. For the first time in a very very very long time I don't have numbness, burning, and pins and needles throughout my arms, neck, legs etc. I am still lacking a normal pain system and I don't seem to have much feeling in some of my fingers and hands but I can use them without discomfort for the most part. I tire easily I think from anesthesia after effects but I am able to walk 2-4 miles a day at a 20 minute a mile pace. The doc said walking is good but not too fast (no problem) and keep my head and neck stable with a brace. I'm going to call it quits for now. I'll come back and add color commentary to the whole affair in my next post.

I'll keep you posted
-The John

We set a date

I will be having my neck operation on September 29th. I will be in Saint Francis Memorial Hospital (I really wish they could do away with that memorial part), 900 Hyde St. San Francisco CA 94109. It is supposed to be a 4 1/2 to 6 hour operation which I will have to sleep through according to the doctor. Two to three days in hospital and then 3-5 weeks recuperation....I'm guessing I'll have plenty of time to write. I've said it before and I will say it again, I'm having great trepidation, fear and scairdy catness about this but everyone of my friends and family have assured me it will be just fine. More to the point, I am told I need to get my game face on and face this like a man because attitude is everything (I think that was Andre Agassi actually). So the next two weeks I will spend getting my attitude in order. Please no stories about friends or relatives who had a horrible experience. I can use that after the operation but not before, ha.

I'll keep you posted

-the John

The Unkindest cut of all

Went to the doctor yesterday to review the "options" for my neck. Ginny went with me as usual to provide adult supervision. It started out poorly when the doctor said "I have the results of your electrical conduction tests and I've highlighted in yellow the abnormal or poor results". Two thirds of the page was highlighted in yellow. I immediately suspected that this wasn't going to be a cheerful conversation. I was right. So after reviewing the results, I said, I assume this is a buildup to telling me that I can't have minimally invasive surgery and he said "that is not an option". Well it turns out there were no options except to have fusion of the vertebrae.

I told the doctor that I would like to discuss some of the risks of the operation and Ginny volunteered that I was afraid of paralysis (which is true but I'm not sure I would have lead with that question). The doc said that if I was concerned with paralysis, then I should have the operation because there is a greater chance of being paralyzed from not doing anything and letting the spinal cord continue to be damaged. He took us through the MRI photos again and pointed out how there were compromised nerve roots going to the arms (hence the arm numbness and burning sensation in the hands), a few vertebrae out of alignment and pressing in on the spinal cord causing the nerve signals to be delayed (hence the high pain threshold that I have suffered/benefited from), and peripheral nerve damage which causes a lack of feeling altogether in some instances (maybe that is how I gave myself a third degree burn a few years back).

So I asked the important question "doc, will I be taller and more handsome, when the operation is over?" he responded that I was a pretty handsome guy already.....I took that as a "no" on being taller.

So the operation for those of you keeping score at home involves taking out the disc material between the c4-c5, c5-c6, and c6-c7 vertebrae, putting in bone shims between those four vertebrae, putting in a plate (not fine china) and attaching the plate to the c4, c5, c6, and c7 vertebrae making it effectively one bone. At the same time he would fix the backward angle of my neck which is part of what is impinging on the spinal cord.

I asked if I had to be totally anesthetized for this and he just rolled his eyes and said three or four different ways, yes you have to be totally out. Why would you even want to be awake. I tried to explain that I would like to make sure they don't screw up and remove a leg or something but I could tell that wasn't going to make points with the guy who would have a knife at my neck in the very near future. I dropped that line of discussion.

The doctor said it would be a 4+ hour operation and that I would be out of commission for "a minimum of three weeks" which was a mild surprise because I was afraid it would be much longer. He said he was back at work 2 weeks after having a similar operation and I said "I'm a pretty tough guy, I will try to come back in less than 2 weeks". He said he would be keeping a close eye on me to make sure I don't screw something up.

He asked when I wanted to go under the knife and I said what do you have open? I was appalled when he said the 25th.....of this month. I reacted poorly saying that I had to check on my disability insurance and all that. How about January I replied, he said in an ominous tone " you should have this done sooner rather than later if you don't want to do further permanent damage. You have to hand it to him, he doesn't sugar coat things.

I left the office with a little tear in my eye, I'm tough but mostly in the abstract. You can take off my leg, remove my foot, or even replace my knee while I am awake, but put me to sleep and mess with my spine????? I'm not that tough.

I will finalize the operation date on Tuesday or Wednesday next week, I'll keep you updated.

the John

Houston we have a problem

Well I heard back from my doctor about my spine test. He says "the preliminary results are quite suggestive for both a spinal cord conduction delay and some sort of peripheral nerve compression in your arms". What the hell does that mean? I tried goggling it and don't get much specific information. The doctor did tell me that my historically "high pain threshold" may in fact be somewhat attributable to the nerve and spinal cord trauma that I suffered from jumping into that hay loft oh so many years ago. The doctor then went on to say, "Clearly there is an objective explanation for your complaints and you will require specific treatment which we can discuss at your next appointment". And finally "It is highly unlikely you will do anything to worsen your problems as long as you avoid any overhead lifting, prolonged neck flexion or extension or any contact/collision sports".

Ok, why couldn't he just tell me what the "specific treatment" would be. And I know he has never seen me play guitar but some people swear I do that as a contact sport. This also means I probably won't be doing any off road motorcycle rides in the near future. That was definitely a contact/collision sport the last time I did it.

Either way, I now have an appointment for this Friday the 4th to see what this specific treatment will be. I'll keep you tuned in.

the John

Clem Jones, M.D.

Of all the nerve!

Well, I took my spine test today and I'm not sure how well it went. The technician who administered the test said there are some "significant issues" with my right arm and the nerves that serve it, and there are some "symptoms" of problems with the left arm. The good news if I was looking for it was that the left arm wasn't as bad as the right. I don't know what this means in terms of the type of operation I will need but it wasn't the bright cheery, "hey you are doing just fine" that I was hoping for. Such is life, I'll find out in a week or so maybe what the report says.

the john

Neck News

I just saw an article today in the San Jose Mercury News about Geron's spinal chord medicine for people with severe spinal chord trauma. Evidently it is a gene therapy or stem cell derived medicine. They had to put on hold the release of the medicine but it doesn't say why. I'm attaching the final paragraph from the article because it explains roughly what I'm being tested for this week.

By Steve Johnson

sjohnson@mercurynews.com

Posted: 08/18/2009 11:20:22 AM PDT

Updated: 08/18/2009 11:20:23 AM PDT

sjohnson@mercurynews.com

In a setback for Menlo Park-based Geron, the company announced today that federal authorities have placed on hold its ground-breaking test in people of a spinal-cord injury treatment it developed from human embryonic stem cells.

When a spine is damaged, myelin — a fatty substance that provides insulation important for motor function — often is stripped off. That can disrupt the body's ability to transmit sensory signals, similar to the way an electrical cord shorts out when its insulation is peeled away, resulting in paralysis. Geron coaxed embryonic cells into becoming oligodendrocytes, cells that help nerve fibers replace myelin.

the john

Living at break neck speed

Well as they say if it isn't one thing, it's your mother. Or something like that. Well my mother is now willingly going to an assisted living facility in Pennsylvania where she will be close to my aunt and cousins. I'll discuss that whole adventure in a separate post. Today is going to be about my neck, or lack thereof. You see when I was about 14 years old, I broke my neck. It was a diving accident, I was diving into a hay loft in a barn and got my foot stuck in the ladder and well, I broke my neck. And to paraphrase Joe Pesci from the movie Goodfellas, "if I hadn't done what the Doctor told me not to do, I wouldn't need neck surgery now". You see I was advised not to do anything.....that is anything, that would put a strain on my neck, not even diving off a high dive at a swimming pool.

So I went on to wrestle in high school and the air force, I played football, I did anything but avoid putting pressure on my neck. The consequences are that I have a slightly deformed spine now with bone spurs and a "pinched spinal chord" for lack of a better term. The doctor walked Ginny and I through the X-rays and MRI pictures yesterday and it actually made me a bit squeamish. You could see where the spinal chord was being deformed and restricted. And there was at least one nerve channel leading to the right arm that is almost completely blocked which is what is causing my arm pain and numbness.

The good news is the doctor said we are going to do some electrical tests to see if my spine is damaged and restricting the nerve signals to the brain. (I can leave some blank space in this posting for people that want to make wise comments now). If there is no major spinal chord damage, he thinks we (I) can just have the minimally invasive surgery to rebuild that part of the vertebrae that is cutting off the nerve to the arm, then they can clean out a little bit of the bone spurs on the back of the spinal chord and maybe patch up or remove a bit of the herniated disk that is in there. All of that through a hole the size of a drinking straw. On the other hand if my spinal chord is damaged, they will have to go in for a more dramatic surgery to fuse vertebrae and clean out the spinal column.

I did ask the doctor if these problems would account for my history of not feeling very much pain and he said yes that is a very likely result of the broken neck and spinal chord trauma.

So I'm going to get tested possibly as early as next week. I'll keep you posted as to how that goes and what surgery I will be having. You talk about a pain in the neck.....this is the epitome.

the john

Tempus fugit or so it seems

Wow, it has been a month since I last posted something. For those keeping score it is the john 1 - mental state 0. I have been feeling progressively better but it is still a battle between me and my state of anxiety. I have had so much help from my cousins, friends and my sister in law that I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't have been nicer to them over the years. The answer is probably yes. Ginny has been like a personal coach. She goes with me to see the doctor about my shots and all that. I think she feels that I need adult supervision when I go to the doctor. She also gives me my shots which I think is only fair, seeing as how I've been such a pain in the rear to her all these years. It is her time to return the feeling, ha. I'm going to see a new shrink this week. I decided that my old shrink and I needed to start seeing other people. I'll try to update this as there is anything to write about but so far I think this stuff is starting to bore me, I can only imagine what it is doing to you all (I'm assuming there are at least two other people reading this because I automatically send it to Ginny and Kelly).

Speaking of boring, I have maintained my diet of no coffee, diet coke, eggs and sausage every morning for breakfast. Now I have a bowl of raisin bran, banana and blue berries with low fat milk. Ginny says this new plan will likely add 10 years to my life, I think it will just feel like 10 years. I have pretty much decaf tea or water to drink. I pretty much went cold turkey on the coffee and soda and I think that probably added to my stress rather than relieve it.

We went back to Philly for grandson Jack's first birthday party. Ginny and I flew into NYC and picked up Kelly and Jack and then we stayed at Joe and Lois' house (the in-laws). Everyone had a good time I believe. Matt came down on the train in time for the party. We drove them all back to Brooklyn the night before Ginny and I flew back home to SFO.

In other news, we rented out our house up in the north end of Pacifica. It was a bit nerve wracking because we thought we had someone who wanted to rent it but it turned out he couldn't move so we had to re-list the place on craigslist and then arrange to go meet about 150 different people that expressed interest in the place. Only about 10 couples ever showed up at the scheduled meetings but it turns out 10 was enough. One couple was really interested and we thought they would get it but another couple came and put a deposit check down the same day they looked at it. The first couple consisted of a professional musician and his wife who is related to a very famous musician. I don't want to give names as I think that would be a breach of privacy. As it turns out the new tenant works for the same law firm that the previous tenant worked for, and that is the same law firm that Kelly Janes worked for, and that law firm was the reason we moved to the bay area and bought that house in the first place. In a strange way 615 has been bought, paid for, and kept up by one law firm. Small world.

Well that is all I have for now. I'll let you know how things go.

the john

Maybe it is all in my head

Well another week has gone bye and I could be imagining things (well obviously I've been imagining things or I wouldn't have had all these troubles), but I think I'm starting to see the light at the far far far end of the tunnel, and more important I don't think it is a train headed for me. Actually the light was a tanning booth at the gym that I used yesterday and today. As part of the vitamin d thing, I'm using the tanning booth sparingly but it does work so I'm told for both vitamin D production and for serotonin production which just maybe is helping with my mood.

As a quick update for those of you who are interested or just amused by this stuff (and really if your just amused that is ok too, that means there is hope for my comedy writing). I saw my shrinkologist on Friday and he said I was depressed...in the tradition of Rodney Dangerfield I said I wanted a second opinion and he said "ok, you are overweight as well". But seriously folks, he told me to consider going on medication (or was it meditation). So over the weekend which went ok as far as anxiety goes (not perfect but for the most part the highs were lower and the lows were normal), I reached out to friends and family who have had experience with this situation and they were extremely generous with their time, advice and friendship. I won't acknowledge them directly but they know who they are (especially if they are reading this). I value their opinion and it was therapeutic just to know that my previous 50 years of offensive behavior wasn't enough to cause them to tell me to take a hike. Thank you all. I mean that as sincerely as I have ever said anything.

So with all that said, as if by magic (and I know it isn't magic) today has turned out to be one of my best days in months. I went hours without worry and started to think all this anxiety was just my imagination. Ok now back to earth. I'm going to give this a bit more time and see whether the medication will be necessary. I will almost certainly be reaching out to that same network of friends and relatives to discuss the situation so you are all forewarned. As I said in my previous posting, someday I'm going to see the humor in this and then I'm going to try and milk it for all I can. I gotta go now because it is 6:15pm and my doctor tells me I have to eat dinner at least three hours prior to going to sleep etc. etc. etc. so I have to eat soon or forgo dinner for the night. Those of you that know me at all know that isn't going to happen.

think positive thoughts

-the john

And the good news is....

Well it turns out I don't have Barrett's esophagus which is pretty nice because that would have meant I had a sort of pre-cancerous condition. I do have something going on in the esophagus and in the stomach with inflammation I guess is the best way to put it. So I am on one of those antacid things that I have to take every day and I can't eat anything that I used to eat (which is probably good too but my taste buds don't believe it yet). I still have the anxiety, shakes, and all that other stuff that evidently is from stress (mostly self induced). But I'll try to deal with that in my own private battle. I thought maybe posting stuff to the blog will help to deal with it but that might just be spreading it out to those who read the blog. I'm sort of like a carrier when it comes to stress. It's only recently that I've started to feel the effects myself.

This holiday weekend has been pretty good. We showed the rental home to two people but it was cold cloudy and foggy so that didn't do us much good. Add to that the fact that the house smells like a smoking lounge at an airport and I don't think we are putting our best foot forward. Still one of the people that looked at it seemed pretty interested. We have taken the craigslist posting down because we figure it is best to paint and fix up and fumigate before showing it to more people. If this person doesn't take it we will wait to show it until after fix up takes place.

Spent two days at Bodega Bay at my aunt's place. My cousins were also visiting with their families so there were 11 people and 3 dogs staying in the one house but there was plenty of room for everyone. The weather yesterday was great sunny and almost warm but today on Memorial Day the clouds, fog, and cold returned.

Well that's the update for now. My comedy writing has been on hold the last two months - no more on hold than the previous 50 years but this time sort of on intentional hold. I'm going to have to bear down and get on with it. There is so much going on at work that I can't seem to get my mind into being funny. Somehow that seems funny in itself.

the john

And I think I'm going out of my head

My neck now seems to be the least of my problems. After many many different tests, ECG, EKG, Tilt table tests, blood tests, and finally an endoscopy (they put a camera on a hose down your throat and look at your stomach among other things). Well I found out that I am way vitamin D deficient, B12 deficient and a few other things like testosterone which was almost nil. Now those of you that know me at all may find the testosterone thing weird but I am now officially on steroids for the rest of my life as the doctor explains it. I'm still having trouble with shakes, anxiety, and general unrest from lack of sleep but I'm trying to do something about that. I have to wait until the biopsies come back on my esophagus and stomach but they already told me I have GERD or acid reflux, and some ulcers so my diet is now restricted to everything that I never ate before and I can't drink or eat anything that was part of my normal diet before. So no fat, no pepper, no carbonated beverages (that means I can't have a half gallon of diet coke for breakfast anymore) no caffeine (so no more 6 cups of coffee a day), no acidic fruits or vegetables so no tomatoes, pizza, curry, etc. So I don't know what I'm going to do for food from here on out. Fat free blueberry muffins may become my only meal. You know I'm trying to find the humor in all of this and I haven't gotten there yet but I think with enough time I can turn this into comedy.

the john

Neck and Back pains

I've probably already let everyone know about my herniated disk and arthritis in my neck which causes me to wear one of those white neck braces which causes me to look like an egg in an egg coddler. Well I thought I had problems. It turns out that Ginny's lower back pains which she has been suffering since March of last year (08) is caused by a stress fracture. She has tried chiropractors, physical therapy and tylenol but she saw a Physiatrist (sp?) and he reviewed her MRI and spotted it immediately. Now she has her own brace to wear and she has to lay off the weight lifting, hill climbing/running and a buch of other things for about 6 weeks. The Dr. also ordered a CT Scan because he fears there may be another fracture which he can't see with the MRI. The good news is that if she rests properly she might do away with a lot of the pain and could go back to her normal exercise routines. Stay tuned.

the john

Much ado about nothing

well I went to the cardiologist on Wednesday and after much discussion he said" I am going to conlude that you don't have a heart problem".  so now i have to follow up with the regular doctor and see if it is gastrointestinal related or whether there is something from my pinched nerve and herniated disk in my neck that could be affecting this.  For those of you who have the patience to read this, I'll keep you up to date.  meanwhile today has been pretty good.  we found out on Thursday that the guy who rents our other house here in pacifica is moving out.  That was sort of mixed news.  He has paid rent on time without fail for about 7 years and has made no demands of any type for improvements etc.  On the other hand we had the rent set at a rate that didn't cover the costs of mortgage let alone mortgage, upkeep and taxes.  So at the advice of our real estate advisor (Kelly Janes) we put an posting on craiglist for the place and raised the rent 900 bucks and we got a response overnight.  We dont know if it will pan out or not but at least we know we should be able to get a rent that will cover our basic costs.  housing was appreciating at 10 percent a year we didn't worry too much but the zillow value of that house has dropped about 30 percent in the last year or so.  I'm not complaining but with job worries, 401k worries etc. it is nice to know that this place will carry itself while we sort through this economy.  stay tuned.

the john

A nice relaxing weekend

I played golf on Friday for the first time in years and the first time in 20 years that I didn't have a crippled knee bothering me. It started as a beautiful day and my game reflected that, I had the best game of golf in my life. The weather turned windy, cold and cloudy by the time we got to the back nine. For those of you who have been following my anxiety/heart issues you may see where this is going. So I was pretty worried by the end of the round of golf, thinking about job etc. But Saturday was a new day and we all had a pretty good time. I was as relaxed as I've been in weeks if not months. Kelly and Jack (aka the tank) were visiting and so was Ginny's dad, Joe. Our community had a progressive dinner Saturday night and that was very enjoyable. We hosted the dessert for the entire crowd which I think was supposed to be about 40 people. The down side for the day was that by 9pm my neck (herniated disk and several vertebrae with degenerative arthritis) was really aggravated and around 10pm I snuck upstairs and went to bed. All of that served to heighten my anxiety as well. In an attempt to make this an uplifting post, on Sunday I wok up feeling great and decided to try a bit more golf so Joe and I hit the course Sunday afternoon. I only put in 10 holes so as not to aggravate the neck and Joe stuck it out for 18. Great day, great weather, and I had a phone call earlier in the day with one of my partners/bosses in NY which helped me feel a bit more relaxed about my whole job situation. End result is I slept better last night than I have in months I think. This morning was sad because Kelly, Jack and Joe were heading home. To top it off, Ginny was traveling with Kelly and Jack to spend a couple days in NY (I think she wants to see what 90 degrees feels like cause we don't get that too often in Pacifica).

That's all for now, I'll let you know what the cardiologist has to say after my appointment on Wednesday.

the john

Well today went pretty well. I went for an echo cardiogram or ECG. That took all of 25 minutes so I was able to get to work on time and that helped to ease stress. I now know from talking to my aunt and cousin and nephew that my cousin and my nephew have both had these types of episodes. No formal diagnosis was made but neither one thought it was a heart attack because their ekg's were good (as was mine). So I just come from a long line of anxious people. I guess that ain't so bad. I go to the cardiologist next Wednesday to hear what he has to say. I'll keep you apprised.

JJ

So today, I went in for a "tilt table test" as part of the search for what caused the event last Wednesday morning. The term tilt table test sounded so mild but it turned out to be more interesting than it sounded. They put electrodes on me to do an EKG test and then they put me on a table laying down but with straps across the table to keep me on it. Then they elevated the table to 60 degrees which almost had me standing straight up. Then THEY LET ME STAND THERE FOR 45 MINUTES. No tv, no books just watching them monitor the monitor of my ekg. They were waiting to see if my blood pressure fell (it did) and whether I passed out....I didn't. After 45 minutes they put me back to horizontal, gave me some nitro glycerin and then put me back up at 60 degrees. The nitro was supposed to dialate my blood vessels (it did) and make my blood pressure drop further (it did) and see if I passed out ( I came really really close). My BP went down to 79 over 49 and I was anxious, pulse racing, sweating, vision a little blurry, knees shaking but I didn't pass out. I told them if they had me one more minute I would have been lights out.

So now I wait a week to see the cardiologist and see what all that means. Keep tuned.

Have a heart

For those that don't know (and I assume that is most of the world). I had some type of "event" or even a cardiac event last week during the wee hours of the morning around 1:15am, Wednesday April 15th. I fell asleep Tuesday evening on the couch in the living room. I've been under a bit of stress to put it mildly so I haven't been sleeping well or sleeping at all for that matter. So back to the story, I woke up about 1am and headed upstairs to go to sleep. Ginny was still working on the computer in the office so I just mumbled good night. By the time I got to the top of the stairs, I was slightly out of breath (unusual), a little woozy (not unusual), and I had distinct butterflies in the stomach (more usual lately). I headed into the bathroom and by the time I got there I was a little rubber kneed and decided to sit down. As I sat down, my stomach was queasy and I started sweating profusely. Now I was getting concerned, that has never happened to me before (although it has happened since). I thought if I'm going to pass out I don't want to do it on a tile floor. So I headed back downstairs to tell Ginny I didn't feel so good. She recognized it as I came in the office. You have no color and your sweating she said. I took my blood pressure which is usually in the 120/80 range and it was 77/50. I started to think "this is the big one" but calmer heads prevailed. Ginny called the health care advice nurse who told her to have me lay down and elevate my feet. Once I did that I almost immediately started to feel better. within 5 minutes I was almost back to normal. So I went up to bed and got a couple hours sleep and planned to call my doctor the next day. Long story short, I saw my doctor who said I had to see a cardiologist, which I did the following day, Thursday. That doctor was very distracted with a patient who actually was having a heart attack but he told me "I don't know what happened to you". He didn't think I had a heart attack but he did think it might be some type of cardiac event. So I'm having more tests done. In the mean time, Friday morning middle of the night, I had two more minor repeats of my Wednesday morning episode. In both cases, I figured I would go back to sleep. I had a lot to do on Friday in the office and I figured, if it was a heart attack which the doc said it probably wasn't, if it killed me I didn't have to worry about working in the office that day but if it wasn't a heart attack I should at least try to get some sleep so that I could get my work done that day. I should tell you that Ginny didn't see my logic or at least didn't like my logic. I talked to my regular doctor that day and he seemed to think maybe it is some type of stomach virus or just anxiety or some "hormonal shift" whatever that may be....I'm not going through menopause that I know of but hmmmmm. I'll let you know how it goes.

the john

Holiday letters past from 2006

Happy Holidays to Everyone

My Dad used to say “Wait until you get to my age, son, it seems like we are singing Christmas carols every two weeks”. It seems like more than two weeks since we last wrote our holiday missive but not by much. Well this gives an opportunity to talk about all the exciting things that have happened over the last year. This year finds Ginny and I in good health. Kelly and Matt are also doing well, so well in fact that Kelly is pregnant and they are expecting a new born in late May 2008. They bought a co-op in Brooklyn thus fulfilling their desire to own their own place and just in time for the new addition, to the family - not the house.

The year has been tough in a number of ways, Ginny and her siblings have spent a fair amount of time looking after their Mother Lois who is now in an assisted living facility due to Alzheimer's. She seems to be doing really well and has settled in very well. Ginny has also spent some time in Philly helping her Dad who has had one heck of a tough year. It started in January with a relatively routine operation to take care of an aneurysm but there have been "unforeseen" complications and repeated trips back in the hospital at various times throughout the year. I guess that gives credence to the old saying “stay away from hospitals, you’ll get sick there”.

I’ve had some care taking to do as well. My mom is starting into Alzheimer's. I’ve gone up to Alaska once so far but I will have to make a number of trips up there in the coming year to help my brother Ritchie. So far he is doing the majority of the work while he is not at sea which is most of the winter.

Ginny and I have for the most part maintained our weight loss but we haven’t made any significant progress in losing more weight so 2008 is going to be a year of increased efforts for both of us. Even so, we have lost more than 160 pounds over the last few years with Ginny being the biggest loser/winner. I started 2007 saying “I’m going to lose at least another 20 pounds this year”. Well I think that attitude at least kept me from putting on 20 pounds.

Ginny went back to work at United, working a midnight shift (6 nights on and 2 nights off) for 6 months. So for 6 months she was like the walking dead, she couldn’t sleep during the day and of course she wasn’t supposed to sleep at night…that was frowned upon by United Airlines. So in October she retired with something like 16 years of seniority at United. This gives her the option of flying back to Philly or New York when she wants to. So far that is working out to about every other week on average. She planned on this for at least the last 16 years. When she sets a goal you can usually count on it. So now if and when I ever retire, Ginny has worked out how we are going to travel for minimal cost.

Early in 2007 I had a minor accident. I literally ran into a steel beam and got a major concussion. You may think, how can you run into a steel beam? Well the next time any of you visit our place, I’ll take you around to the little shopping center near our house and show you how it is done. The most trying time of 2007 for me was from March to the end of April when I seemed to misplace or lose just about every electronic gadget I owned. I've attached my notes from that time with this letter. Keep in mind this was after my concussion so I’m going to blame some of my absentmindedness on that. You be the judge. (See the end of this letter for a detailed description of my trials and tribulations this year.)

Ginny and I did a little traveling this year as previously noted but no major vacations as we had mostly unplanned travel. Between us however we did get to Seattle, NYC, Philly, Anchorage, Orlando, Nashville, Memphis, Chicago, Kalamazoo, Orange County CA, San Diego and Los Angeles.

We bought a couple ocean kayaks this year. Kayaking in the surf is incredibly exciting not to mention a little chilling, as the water temperature is typically in the low 50’s here in the northern Pacific. The first trip out in the Pacific I took my nephew Erik who is pretty athletic -- snow boarder, skate boarder, surfer and football playing young man…this is relevant, bear with me. About a quarter mile out in the ocean we rolled over. The kayak is only built for one person. (Did I mention that?) So I say “oh crap, maybe we should have practiced getting back in when we were in 4 feet of water, not 800 feet of water with 8 foot waves to contend with”. I went around back and pulled myself into the kayak and proceeded to yell over my shoulder to Erik about how he should be careful getting back in etc. Mid sentence he calmly says, "I’ve been back in" (implying that I should calm down and just paddle us back to shore).

We also had a visitor from Norway, Kristine Zachariassen. I think she had a good time (we went Kayaking without all the drama of rolling over in the deep waters of the Pacific Ocean). We certainly enjoyed having her here. We are planning on a visit to England and Norway next summer.

My job continues to go well, thanks in part to the corporate fraud that seems to exist in every large organization. Who knew that the juvenile judge who predicted I'd be involved in the judicial system all my life would be so accurate? He just didn’t know that I would be on the good side of fraud investigations.

Well, Merry Christmas or Happy Chanukah or whatever your particular beliefs are. Enjoy whatever time you get to spend with loved ones and friends, I know Ginny and I will.

The short story of a man who seems to forget (I’m blaming it on the concussion the month before). The following is a list of events that transpired during about a 2-3 week period for me in 2007. Most of which I would have liked to forget but now it seems to be funny.

Ides of March (15th), we purchased two new cars (Toyota hybrids),
17th of March my new car (the Camry) gets hit in a parking lot.
19th of March I get the dent taken out, only cost me $85 (that was the good news for the week).
24th of March my laptop, computer bag, palm pilot, personal tax records, and a mess of other things get stolen out of the trunk of you guessed it, my new car.

28th of March I get new company laptop shipped to me at a conference in Memphis, Tenn.
29th of March I am told that my Mom possibly has: a) brain cancer, b) bone cancer in the skull, or c) leukemia but won't know for a week (it turns out it was none of those things thank goodness).

30th of March 4:30pm, flying Memphis to San Francisco through Dallas, the Dallas to San Francisco flight is canceled due to weather.
30th of March 5:30pm flight from Memphis to Dallas is delayed 1 1/2 hours.
30th of March 7:15pm after taking off from Memphis to Dallas, the flight circles outside of Dallas for an hour and 15 minutes then decides we need to refuel so we head to Houston.

30th of March 11:00pm refuel and take off again for Dallas.
31st of March 12:30am arrive Dallas 5 1/2 hours after departing Memphis for a 1 1/2 hour flight.

31st of March 1:30am to hotel room in Dallas to get 2.5 hours sleep before 6:30am flight to San Francisco.
31st of March 4:30am wake up and leave hotel room to realize I don't have my camera bag with me.
31st of March 5:00am realize that my MP3 player was in camera bag.
31st of March 5:50am get to airport after frantically going through everything in my hotel room a third time looking for $2000.00 worth of camera equipment.

31st of March 5:51AM want to sit down and cry in airport.
31st of March 6:10AM while having all of my baggage searched at the security line and getting a lecture on how my toothpaste was too large, I blurted out that "god willing this is my last flight".

31st of March 6:10AM (and 5 seconds) realize that last statement could be taken wrong.
31st of March 6:10AM (and 10 seconds) last statement was taken wrong.
31st of March 6:10am (and 15 seconds) TSA agent asks me "WHAT DID YOU SAY".
31st of March 6:10am (and 20 seconds) I quickly rephrase last statement to: “well after all the delays last night if I never have to fly on business again, that would be perfect”.

31st of March 9:30am arrive home in Pacifica and realize I left my blackberry/cell phone in the cab .
31st of March 9:35am first piece of good news, the cab driver hears me calling my cell phone and turns around to bring it back.

1st of April, NOTHING BAD HAPPENS ON APRIL FOOLS DAY, HOORAY!!!

2^nd of April I talk to my brother who updates me on the fact that my mother seems to have full blown Alzheimer's in addition to double vision and a lesion on the brain or skull. He asks, "what should we do"? I recommend he gets drunk cause that is what I'm going to do.

2^nd of April I took a moment and possibly cried.

I'm thinking of changing my nickname from hammer to hammered, or maybe even "lucky"

Not trying to depress you, in fact I thought this might give you a laugh. I hope the last year has been better for you than those two months were for me.

Love,
The hammer/hammered/lucky
John

Getting Started

This is my place to tell the true (mostly true) (ok almost true) stories of my life. Because the stories are mostly true or almost true, I will absolutely change all names to protect the innocent and the guilty. None of these stories refer to actual persons living, dead or yet to be born. I think this will be a place to get started on an actual rendition of my true life story. Hopefully you will find it humorous, full of pathos (but not to the point of being pathetic), and entertaining. I hope you will let me know if it isn't.

the john