Wow, it has been a month since I last posted something. For those keeping score it is the john 1 - mental state 0. I have been feeling progressively better but it is still a battle between me and my state of anxiety. I have had so much help from my cousins, friends and my sister in law that I'm starting to wonder if I shouldn't have been nicer to them over the years. The answer is probably yes. Ginny has been like a personal coach. She goes with me to see the doctor about my shots and all that. I think she feels that I need adult supervision when I go to the doctor. She also gives me my shots which I think is only fair, seeing as how I've been such a pain in the rear to her all these years. It is her time to return the feeling, ha. I'm going to see a new shrink this week. I decided that my old shrink and I needed to start seeing other people. I'll try to update this as there is anything to write about but so far I think this stuff is starting to bore me, I can only imagine what it is doing to you all (I'm assuming there are at least two other people reading this because I automatically send it to Ginny and Kelly).
Speaking of boring, I have maintained my diet of no coffee, diet coke, eggs and sausage every morning for breakfast. Now I have a bowl of raisin bran, banana and blue berries with low fat milk. Ginny says this new plan will likely add 10 years to my life, I think it will just feel like 10 years. I have pretty much decaf tea or water to drink. I pretty much went cold turkey on the coffee and soda and I think that probably added to my stress rather than relieve it.
We went back to Philly for grandson Jack's first birthday party. Ginny and I flew into NYC and picked up Kelly and Jack and then we stayed at Joe and Lois' house (the in-laws). Everyone had a good time I believe. Matt came down on the train in time for the party. We drove them all back to Brooklyn the night before Ginny and I flew back home to SFO.
In other news, we rented out our house up in the north end of Pacifica. It was a bit nerve wracking because we thought we had someone who wanted to rent it but it turned out he couldn't move so we had to re-list the place on craigslist and then arrange to go meet about 150 different people that expressed interest in the place. Only about 10 couples ever showed up at the scheduled meetings but it turns out 10 was enough. One couple was really interested and we thought they would get it but another couple came and put a deposit check down the same day they looked at it. The first couple consisted of a professional musician and his wife who is related to a very famous musician. I don't want to give names as I think that would be a breach of privacy. As it turns out the new tenant works for the same law firm that the previous tenant worked for, and that is the same law firm that Kelly Janes worked for, and that law firm was the reason we moved to the bay area and bought that house in the first place. In a strange way 615 has been bought, paid for, and kept up by one law firm. Small world.
Well that is all I have for now. I'll let you know how things go.
the john
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
Maybe it is all in my head
Well another week has gone bye and I could be imagining things (well obviously I've been imagining things or I wouldn't have had all these troubles), but I think I'm starting to see the light at the far far far end of the tunnel, and more important I don't think it is a train headed for me. Actually the light was a tanning booth at the gym that I used yesterday and today. As part of the vitamin d thing, I'm using the tanning booth sparingly but it does work so I'm told for both vitamin D production and for serotonin production which just maybe is helping with my mood.
As a quick update for those of you who are interested or just amused by this stuff (and really if your just amused that is ok too, that means there is hope for my comedy writing). I saw my shrinkologist on Friday and he said I was depressed...in the tradition of Rodney Dangerfield I said I wanted a second opinion and he said "ok, you are overweight as well". But seriously folks, he told me to consider going on medication (or was it meditation). So over the weekend which went ok as far as anxiety goes (not perfect but for the most part the highs were lower and the lows were normal), I reached out to friends and family who have had experience with this situation and they were extremely generous with their time, advice and friendship. I won't acknowledge them directly but they know who they are (especially if they are reading this). I value their opinion and it was therapeutic just to know that my previous 50 years of offensive behavior wasn't enough to cause them to tell me to take a hike. Thank you all. I mean that as sincerely as I have ever said anything.
So with all that said, as if by magic (and I know it isn't magic) today has turned out to be one of my best days in months. I went hours without worry and started to think all this anxiety was just my imagination. Ok now back to earth. I'm going to give this a bit more time and see whether the medication will be necessary. I will almost certainly be reaching out to that same network of friends and relatives to discuss the situation so you are all forewarned. As I said in my previous posting, someday I'm going to see the humor in this and then I'm going to try and milk it for all I can. I gotta go now because it is 6:15pm and my doctor tells me I have to eat dinner at least three hours prior to going to sleep etc. etc. etc. so I have to eat soon or forgo dinner for the night. Those of you that know me at all know that isn't going to happen.
think positive thoughts
-the john
As a quick update for those of you who are interested or just amused by this stuff (and really if your just amused that is ok too, that means there is hope for my comedy writing). I saw my shrinkologist on Friday and he said I was depressed...in the tradition of Rodney Dangerfield I said I wanted a second opinion and he said "ok, you are overweight as well". But seriously folks, he told me to consider going on medication (or was it meditation). So over the weekend which went ok as far as anxiety goes (not perfect but for the most part the highs were lower and the lows were normal), I reached out to friends and family who have had experience with this situation and they were extremely generous with their time, advice and friendship. I won't acknowledge them directly but they know who they are (especially if they are reading this). I value their opinion and it was therapeutic just to know that my previous 50 years of offensive behavior wasn't enough to cause them to tell me to take a hike. Thank you all. I mean that as sincerely as I have ever said anything.
So with all that said, as if by magic (and I know it isn't magic) today has turned out to be one of my best days in months. I went hours without worry and started to think all this anxiety was just my imagination. Ok now back to earth. I'm going to give this a bit more time and see whether the medication will be necessary. I will almost certainly be reaching out to that same network of friends and relatives to discuss the situation so you are all forewarned. As I said in my previous posting, someday I'm going to see the humor in this and then I'm going to try and milk it for all I can. I gotta go now because it is 6:15pm and my doctor tells me I have to eat dinner at least three hours prior to going to sleep etc. etc. etc. so I have to eat soon or forgo dinner for the night. Those of you that know me at all know that isn't going to happen.
think positive thoughts
-the john
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